letting kids be kids...

Marianne Williamson wrote, "You can focus on what's wrong in your life, or you can focus on what's right."  What I make of our life and all the moments to come, is up to me.  As AJ goes through his senior year, I have to remember something...He is just a 17 year old boy!  There will be a lot of pressures on him this year as he gets ready for college but he's still so young and I have to keep things in perspective.

Here's something from William Martin, "Do you have agendas for your children that are more important than the children themselves?  Lost in the shuffle of uniforms, practices, games, recitals and performances can be the creative and joyful soul of your child.  Watch and listen carefully.  Do they have time to daydream?  From their dreams will emerge the practices and activities that will make self-discipline as natural as breathing."  I think we all get caught up in those things.  But let your kids be kids.  I know to be competitive later, we need to have our kids in competitive sports at an early age.  But who are we doing this for?  Are we living through our kids?  It's almost as if it's not enough jut to be normal anymore.  And letting go of my own agenda for my kids seems to be the hardest kind of letting go.  If I can give up my agenda and remember that my hopes and dreams don't belong on him or her, then just maybe I can give them the support they need.  Rachel loves music.  She has loved it ever since I can remember.  She truly has a song in her heart.  She wakes up singing and goes to bed singing.  It's a gift and I can help her develop it by providing lessons.  In this book I read, the mom asks the piano teacher how often her son should practice.  She had these words of wisdom.  "As much as he wants to.  If this child is going to be able to play piano, it will be because he has to, and because he loves it.  So why not just let him own this?" Isn't that awesome!?  I loved that.  What a wise teacher.  If our kids truly love something they are going to do it because they want to not because we make them or want them to.

We want our kids to succeed.  It's not just okay to be normal or ordinary anymore.  We all encourage our kids to try to lead extraordinary lives.  We feel like it's necessary if they want to reach their goals.  We as parents fear that our kids aren't living up to their potential and that they will fail to be successful as adults.  We've found ourselves doing this with AJ.  AJ is good at most everything he does.  He's a good athlete, even if he's never played the sport before.  He's just gifted naturally.  He picked up the guitar and bass guitar pretty easily.  He makes good grades and doesn't really have to try.  But his personality is one that he's pretty easy going.  So yes he can do all those things but he doesn't excel at any one thing.  He doesn't have that desire and drive.  He likes his life and is content.  And we as his parents have to learn to accept that and not try to push him.  We encourage him and support him in what ever he does but it's his life not ours.  Each step he takes now on his own, is not just a separation from us and our ideas, but a move in the direction of his own life's possibilities.  That's what growing up is all about! :)