The kids started school yesterday. They were both so excited! And they both had a good first day. Although, we are back into the craziness of it all. As hard as I try to keep things simple, we still find ourselves caught up in it all. AJ had a game last night and by the time we got home, filled out paperwork, got showers, did any homework and packed up for today it was late. I guess, I just have to get used to the schedule again.
I had several comments from people about my last post and I don't want people to be saddened by it. Maybe it's just reminding us all of how quickly our kids really do grow up. Anyway, I want you to know that I love where I am in life and I love the ages that my kids are. Yes, I loved it when they were little and we had so many good times and memories. But, I don't want to live in the past. It's kind of like child birth. At the beginning of your pregnancy you are so excited and yet the thought of actually giving birth is so scary. But by the end of it, you are ready to give birth and you don't care what you have to do to get that baby out! lol And that's how it is with our kids growing up. When they are little we can't imagine our life with them growing up and not wanting to be around us. But the older they get it just seems to evolve into that. And everyone is okay with it. We don't see a lot of AJ during the summer. He works, goes to the beach, hangs out with friends and comes home to sleep on occasion and eat. But think back to when you were 17. Where were you? Did you want to hang out with your parents? No and neither did I. Randy has to remind me of this often when I can't understand why AJ doesn't want to hang out with us. As I was talking to a friend yesterday, I was reminded about how this process happens. We start with taking them to kindergarten. Then maybe later, we are dropping them off at dance class. We let them stay home for a bit while we run to the store. All those little things are steps to letting them go. You don't just start with letting them take the car and go to a friends or the mall. And so, as I have done all those little steps with AJ, I'm finding that this year I am excited for him. Yes, it will be some "lasts" but it's also the beginning of a new journey for him. His first year at college and all that comes with that. His life is just beginning and we have begun a new relationship. Yes, we are still his parents but instead of telling him what he has to do, we are suggesting things he might want to do. And sometimes, he won't take our suggestions or advice. That's okay. We are there to guide him and to help support him as he grows and sometimes makes mistakes. I can't change my children. I can only change myself. As much as I would like to shape them into what I think they should be or do, I can only choose to support who they are and what they want to do. I am beginning to learn the art of letting go. I can't worry about what might happen but instead I focus on the small pleasures in our life: shared meals, watching a movie together, a few words at bedtime. I have to have faith in them and a little more compassion for myself that it's all going to be okay.
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