change

This blog has become a journey of my feelings as I go through letting my kids grow up.  Thanks Jen for giving me the book that helped me to journal all the thoughts and feelings that I am experiencing this year.  I've had them inside of me and just needed to get them out.  And the book helped me do that.  As I'm going through this journey of letting go, I catch myself wanting to control everything and make decisions for AJ that I should let him make.  I'm trying so hard to let him make decisions and yet I don't know what happens to me.  It's like the control monster takes over.  And even though I know I need to let him make decisions it's like I'm not able to at times.  I'm getting better at it.  But it's a whole new way of thinking and parenting.  I'm learning to relax and savor these moments.  When we are driving in the car together, I have to ask him or her what's on their mind and not get caught up in the urge to try to make them into someone they are not.  I have to learn to support and encourage them in this process without getting too involved myself.  Sometimes it's all I can do to keep my mouth shut! lol

Here's a quote from Dr. Phil, "You can either practice being right, or practice being kind."  You being right doesn't do any good or mean anything to most teens and being kind is sometimes really hard for me!  When you go through the teen years, there are a lot of days when you just don't like your teen.  And you wonder and worry what kind of person will they turn out to be.  There have been plenty of times when I've thought, "I wish I could start all over again and change things."  But really it's just something all teens go through.  They are trying to figure out who they are and what they believe for themselves.  So, it probably wouldn't really matter if I could have a "do over".  Once I realized this, I tried to ease up a bit.  Rules are something that have to be renegotiated.  Things that once mattered don't seem to matter much anymore and so you take another look at those things that once seemed so important to you and you let them go.

I read a book recently called, "Losing Control and liking it!"  In it, I am reminded that it's not my job to control, change, or judge my teens, but to help them remember who they really are.  By reminding myself of this, I am better able to get through this painful transformation.  Change seems to be something we are constantly going though.  I can remember when the kids were newborns and I would think that I would have it all figured out.  Then they would do something new and it would all change on me.  All things change in life.  We can't stay where we are or we won't grow.  When we let go and do things that make us uncomfortable, we discover our capabilities and see just a glimmer of our potential.