frustrated

So now that I am working full time, I was really looking forward to having today off.  No real plans.  Maybe shopping for the day.  Maybe a movie.  Who knows.  Then I was reminded that today was the day that the cheerleaders had to go to Oswego (30 min. away) at 2pm to play Bingo at an adult living facility.  Now, I don't have a problem with that activity.  It's just that Rachel can't drive so that means that any plans that we had today are over because I have to drive her to Oswego and then wait while she plays Bingo.  So instead of doing fun things I get to spend 2 and a half hours in the middle of the day trying to find something to do while I wait for her.  I guess I will grocery shop.  Not really high on my list of things that I wanted to do today.  And because we live so far away from everything, I can't really just go early to the mall because there isn't enough time.  Oh well.  Pity party for me! lol  Why do schools plan things on the kids day off?  Can someone explain this to me!

changes are coming!

Now that I'm working it seems I have less and less time to be blogging.

We have been getting soooooooooo much snow here lately!  I'm not complaining, I'm just saying!  In fact, December was a record amount of snow for this area!  And in light of that, my parents decided that they couldn't wait until after Christmas to go to Fl. so they abandoned us and left!  So we thought about our Christmas this year and how different it would be with just the 4 of us.  And it seemed kind of weird and lonely.  So, we decided to head on down to Fl to be with all of our family this year.  And I have to say, it was pretty wonderful.  We really didn't see our frineds this time just family.  It was such a nice treat for us all to be together on both sides.  That hasn't happened in years.  The sunshine wasn't too bad to see either!  Been missing it :)

These are a few pictures from Christmas Eve with Randy's family:
                                                     Brad, JT and Randy

Marissa, Rachel, and Jessica

the cousins

our family

the whole gang!

After we came back to the snow country, we made a huge decision!  We've decided to move back to Fl! I really never thought that that would happen.  First of all, when we left Fl the market was so high that I thought we could never afford to move back.  And really we love living here.  When people ask, it's hard to pinpoint the main reason.  I guess there really isn't just one reason why.  Like when we left Fl to move here it was beacuse of 4 hurricanes in one year! lol  Anyway, we came home and just felt like it was the right time for us to go back.  And life is too short to sit around and wait.  Our family is all there and AJ will be going to college there and the market is at an all time low and we could get a really good deal on a house.  So all that plays into our decision.  But ultimately, we just feel like Fl is home.  It is so beautiful here and we have great friends but there's no place like home!  So we put the house up for sale on Monday and we've had one family come and look so far.  We'll see what happens. 

AJ turned 18 in January!  I can hardly believe that!  I know we all think this but it just seems like yesterday that we brought him home.  And now he's going to be leaving us this year to go to college!  For his b'day he wanted a tattoo.  So he found one he liked and got it.

It's on the inside of his upper arm.  It says always family or family forever in Italian.  I really like how it turned out and I especially like that he picked something that means so much to all of us and is so important in life.  Your friends are there for a time but your family is always there.

We celebrated at PF Changs with Josiah and Eleonore.  Then on Sunday we went to Chili's and they boys went and got tattoos!

We will see what 2011 holds for us!  Looking forward to all that God has in store for our lives!

blessed

I now understand that the Senior year of high school is really just a drawn out practice run for the separation to come, an extended exercise in letting go.  The son whose company I cherish is home less and less.  When he's here, he's busy.  Most of the time, life calls him elsewhere.  And Rachel is busy too.  She now stays at school longer for practice or to go to a friends house.  As soon as cross country ended, she started cheerleading.  It's the times when we are all home together eating dinner together, watching something on t.v. and then everyone is in their own beds asleep that make me most happy.  It's a good feeling when they are all here, under one roof.  I feel most content and satisfied.  Maybe because I know in a few months, this won't be the norm anymore.  AJ received a phone call from the college that he's been waiting to hear from that he has been accepted!  We were all so excited.  This was the school that he really wanted to go to.  He knows that you are supposed to apply to at least 5 schools but he was really set on this school and if he didn't get in, he wasn't sure where he was going to apply to.  And even though it is in Fl., I have a peace about it.  Someone said, "it's so far.  I would have separation anxiety."  I guess because I knew that he wanted to go to Fl ahead of time, I had time to deal with those emotions.  I have to remind myself that this journey is about him not me. I can visit him and I know that he will come home to visit. And he has tons of family there.   I look at it as another journey and transformation time.  Chances are that he will not live near me as an adult.  And this is another step towards that.  It gives me time to get used to him being gone for long periods of time.  I know that this is where God has lead him and I have to trust in my faith that it'll be okay.

Today is Thanksgiving and I have so much to be thankful for.  I have a sign on my upstairs wall that says, "This is the house we call home, and for this I am truly thankful"  I love this house and the home that it has become for us.  Later today it will be filled with us and my parents enjoying good food and good company together.  That's what life is a about.  The small things.  Family, friends, and my faith.  Blessed!  So much to be thankful for this holiday season!

MIA

Well, I've been missing in action for the last month!  Actually, I was working!  I was doing some painting with a friend.  We thought we would never finish but we finally did!  So, that has been keeping me busy.  And, I got a job!  I'm so excited!  I applied for a Teacher Assistant job at the elementary school.  I will be working in the math dept. and I start on the 11/29.  I felt like it was the right time to go back to work.  Both kids are busy and involved in activities after school and I felt like I was ready to do something.  So, when the job came available I decided to apply and see what happens!
Randy's birthday was yesterday.  We celebrated with a really great dinner.  I made shrimp cocktail, 1905 salad, steak, crab, twice baked potatoes and a homemade apple pie.  Then today we went to my parents house to celebrate.  Again, we had delicious food.  Always about the food!  Gnocci's, eggplant parm., Caesar salad, clams casino, braciole, and a homemade chocolate cake with toasted coconut frosting!  And now we get to have Thanksgiving too!

Rachel went out for cheer leading and made the team.  She's very excited.  AJ started basketball too.  So, now she will be cheering at his games.

An Art...

I am learning that there is an art to letting go and holding on.  I have noticed more and more the pulling away from each of my children.  It is in their own way but they are testing the boundaries.  It seems like grief at times but in reality it's not.  The feelings are those of excitement mixed with some sadness.  I'm thankful that my kids are growing up and making more of their own decisions.  It's just all new to us.  But I am beginning to understand it and when I ease up, things go a whole lot smoother.  Because boy, if I dare suggest that AJ go to bed at a certain time or remind him that he needs to tell us where he is going, he can turn on me with anger.  And it catches me off guard.  What worked 5 or 6 years ago just doesn't work anymore.  He reminds me that I don't have to keep reminding him of things especially when I've already told him something.  And I know that.  It's just hard for me not to sometimes.  So the way we parent has changed for sure but it's changed because we've all changed.  Change can be hard and scary at times but it's also exciting too.

birthday weekend!

It was a beautiful weekend here in upstate NY!  Sunny and temps in the high 60's.  We were busy with some fun things.

A Different Kind of Mother

All the changes that are occurring this year in our house has made me realize something.  I have to change within myself.  The way I used to parent isn't the same.  It can't be.  All the rituals and routines that once defined our family have changed.  What my kids once needed from me, they no longer need.  And as gratifying as it is to watch them grow up into young adults, I have to realize they are individuals and what works for one doesn't necessarily work for the other!  When I look back, I realize how well my parents handled the teen years.  Maybe it was because I was so good! lol  Seriously, I don't remember them being overprotective of me.  They let me make choices and decisions and supported me in them.

So, now we are at at a different time and place in life and I have to be a different kind of mother.  A mother who knows how to back off!  A  mother who knows how to let go.  A mother who has her own life and isn't so caught up in every area of her kids lives.  A mother who cares a great deal less about what time people in her house go to bed.  And what they eat for breakfast.  Whether they wear a coat.  And what they do with their free time.  Even though it isn't exactly what I want them to be doing, it's not wrong.  It's just their choice.  I have to trust them.  And I have to remember that the greatest gift I can give my children is to love them just exactly as they are.