blessed

I now understand that the Senior year of high school is really just a drawn out practice run for the separation to come, an extended exercise in letting go.  The son whose company I cherish is home less and less.  When he's here, he's busy.  Most of the time, life calls him elsewhere.  And Rachel is busy too.  She now stays at school longer for practice or to go to a friends house.  As soon as cross country ended, she started cheerleading.  It's the times when we are all home together eating dinner together, watching something on t.v. and then everyone is in their own beds asleep that make me most happy.  It's a good feeling when they are all here, under one roof.  I feel most content and satisfied.  Maybe because I know in a few months, this won't be the norm anymore.  AJ received a phone call from the college that he's been waiting to hear from that he has been accepted!  We were all so excited.  This was the school that he really wanted to go to.  He knows that you are supposed to apply to at least 5 schools but he was really set on this school and if he didn't get in, he wasn't sure where he was going to apply to.  And even though it is in Fl., I have a peace about it.  Someone said, "it's so far.  I would have separation anxiety."  I guess because I knew that he wanted to go to Fl ahead of time, I had time to deal with those emotions.  I have to remind myself that this journey is about him not me. I can visit him and I know that he will come home to visit. And he has tons of family there.   I look at it as another journey and transformation time.  Chances are that he will not live near me as an adult.  And this is another step towards that.  It gives me time to get used to him being gone for long periods of time.  I know that this is where God has lead him and I have to trust in my faith that it'll be okay.

Today is Thanksgiving and I have so much to be thankful for.  I have a sign on my upstairs wall that says, "This is the house we call home, and for this I am truly thankful"  I love this house and the home that it has become for us.  Later today it will be filled with us and my parents enjoying good food and good company together.  That's what life is a about.  The small things.  Family, friends, and my faith.  Blessed!  So much to be thankful for this holiday season!

MIA

Well, I've been missing in action for the last month!  Actually, I was working!  I was doing some painting with a friend.  We thought we would never finish but we finally did!  So, that has been keeping me busy.  And, I got a job!  I'm so excited!  I applied for a Teacher Assistant job at the elementary school.  I will be working in the math dept. and I start on the 11/29.  I felt like it was the right time to go back to work.  Both kids are busy and involved in activities after school and I felt like I was ready to do something.  So, when the job came available I decided to apply and see what happens!
Randy's birthday was yesterday.  We celebrated with a really great dinner.  I made shrimp cocktail, 1905 salad, steak, crab, twice baked potatoes and a homemade apple pie.  Then today we went to my parents house to celebrate.  Again, we had delicious food.  Always about the food!  Gnocci's, eggplant parm., Caesar salad, clams casino, braciole, and a homemade chocolate cake with toasted coconut frosting!  And now we get to have Thanksgiving too!

Rachel went out for cheer leading and made the team.  She's very excited.  AJ started basketball too.  So, now she will be cheering at his games.

An Art...

I am learning that there is an art to letting go and holding on.  I have noticed more and more the pulling away from each of my children.  It is in their own way but they are testing the boundaries.  It seems like grief at times but in reality it's not.  The feelings are those of excitement mixed with some sadness.  I'm thankful that my kids are growing up and making more of their own decisions.  It's just all new to us.  But I am beginning to understand it and when I ease up, things go a whole lot smoother.  Because boy, if I dare suggest that AJ go to bed at a certain time or remind him that he needs to tell us where he is going, he can turn on me with anger.  And it catches me off guard.  What worked 5 or 6 years ago just doesn't work anymore.  He reminds me that I don't have to keep reminding him of things especially when I've already told him something.  And I know that.  It's just hard for me not to sometimes.  So the way we parent has changed for sure but it's changed because we've all changed.  Change can be hard and scary at times but it's also exciting too.

birthday weekend!

It was a beautiful weekend here in upstate NY!  Sunny and temps in the high 60's.  We were busy with some fun things.

A Different Kind of Mother

All the changes that are occurring this year in our house has made me realize something.  I have to change within myself.  The way I used to parent isn't the same.  It can't be.  All the rituals and routines that once defined our family have changed.  What my kids once needed from me, they no longer need.  And as gratifying as it is to watch them grow up into young adults, I have to realize they are individuals and what works for one doesn't necessarily work for the other!  When I look back, I realize how well my parents handled the teen years.  Maybe it was because I was so good! lol  Seriously, I don't remember them being overprotective of me.  They let me make choices and decisions and supported me in them.

So, now we are at at a different time and place in life and I have to be a different kind of mother.  A mother who knows how to back off!  A  mother who knows how to let go.  A mother who has her own life and isn't so caught up in every area of her kids lives.  A mother who cares a great deal less about what time people in her house go to bed.  And what they eat for breakfast.  Whether they wear a coat.  And what they do with their free time.  Even though it isn't exactly what I want them to be doing, it's not wrong.  It's just their choice.  I have to trust them.  And I have to remember that the greatest gift I can give my children is to love them just exactly as they are.

My Girl's Growing Up!

I know that I have been lucky that Rachel has still liked being with me! lol  But today I realized that one more thing that we used to like to do together is gone.  I showed her a place on the internet called Tim's Pumpkin Patch.  They have 73 different varieties of pumpkins and gourds.  I mean, what teen girl wouldn't want to go and see that!?  They have a horse and wagon ride, hay mow, corn maze and animal petting area.  Oh and they have caramel apples, donuts, cider and pumpkin funnel cakes!  So, I thought she might just want to take a ride out there on this beautiful sunny fall day.  When I asked her what she thought she just stood there.  I know she was trying to think of a way to say no without hurting my feelings.  So, I asked her if she thought she was too "big" for that stuff now.  She informed that, yea she was. :(    While Randy and I were on our way to dinner, I told  him that I've lost my girl.  And that it was just he and I now!

You know, I really didn't care about going and picking pumpkins and seeing all that stuff.  I just wanted a pumpkin funnel cake!

Weekend Happenings

Here are some pictures from our weekend:

Friday we had the Homecoming Soccer game.  The temperature was 89!  So hot out!  But the boys played great!  They won against Oswego 2-0.  Oswego is a higher division school than we are so that was really good!

On Saturday, I went with some friends to the Grape Festival in Naples, NY.  The smell of the grapes was incredible!  We ate yummy fair food and looked around at lots of crafts.  The only thing I bought was a grape pie.

Rosa, me, Jen, and Lisa

Lisa, Me and Rosa enjoying a fried dough!

And here we are again.  Notice the beautiful orange leaves behind us.  The trees are incredible right now.

On Saturday night, it was the homecoming dance.  Rachel was asked to go this year by a boy in her grade.  But she has assured me that they are "just friends."  AJ just went with friends.  He and another guy were nominated for Homecoming King.   AJ didn't win but how exciting for him anyway!

before they left the house...

At the dance...

Rachel with her date...

AJ with the homecoming queen!