An Art...

I am learning that there is an art to letting go and holding on.  I have noticed more and more the pulling away from each of my children.  It is in their own way but they are testing the boundaries.  It seems like grief at times but in reality it's not.  The feelings are those of excitement mixed with some sadness.  I'm thankful that my kids are growing up and making more of their own decisions.  It's just all new to us.  But I am beginning to understand it and when I ease up, things go a whole lot smoother.  Because boy, if I dare suggest that AJ go to bed at a certain time or remind him that he needs to tell us where he is going, he can turn on me with anger.  And it catches me off guard.  What worked 5 or 6 years ago just doesn't work anymore.  He reminds me that I don't have to keep reminding him of things especially when I've already told him something.  And I know that.  It's just hard for me not to sometimes.  So the way we parent has changed for sure but it's changed because we've all changed.  Change can be hard and scary at times but it's also exciting too.

birthday weekend!

It was a beautiful weekend here in upstate NY!  Sunny and temps in the high 60's.  We were busy with some fun things.

A Different Kind of Mother

All the changes that are occurring this year in our house has made me realize something.  I have to change within myself.  The way I used to parent isn't the same.  It can't be.  All the rituals and routines that once defined our family have changed.  What my kids once needed from me, they no longer need.  And as gratifying as it is to watch them grow up into young adults, I have to realize they are individuals and what works for one doesn't necessarily work for the other!  When I look back, I realize how well my parents handled the teen years.  Maybe it was because I was so good! lol  Seriously, I don't remember them being overprotective of me.  They let me make choices and decisions and supported me in them.

So, now we are at at a different time and place in life and I have to be a different kind of mother.  A mother who knows how to back off!  A  mother who knows how to let go.  A mother who has her own life and isn't so caught up in every area of her kids lives.  A mother who cares a great deal less about what time people in her house go to bed.  And what they eat for breakfast.  Whether they wear a coat.  And what they do with their free time.  Even though it isn't exactly what I want them to be doing, it's not wrong.  It's just their choice.  I have to trust them.  And I have to remember that the greatest gift I can give my children is to love them just exactly as they are.

My Girl's Growing Up!

I know that I have been lucky that Rachel has still liked being with me! lol  But today I realized that one more thing that we used to like to do together is gone.  I showed her a place on the internet called Tim's Pumpkin Patch.  They have 73 different varieties of pumpkins and gourds.  I mean, what teen girl wouldn't want to go and see that!?  They have a horse and wagon ride, hay mow, corn maze and animal petting area.  Oh and they have caramel apples, donuts, cider and pumpkin funnel cakes!  So, I thought she might just want to take a ride out there on this beautiful sunny fall day.  When I asked her what she thought she just stood there.  I know she was trying to think of a way to say no without hurting my feelings.  So, I asked her if she thought she was too "big" for that stuff now.  She informed that, yea she was. :(    While Randy and I were on our way to dinner, I told  him that I've lost my girl.  And that it was just he and I now!

You know, I really didn't care about going and picking pumpkins and seeing all that stuff.  I just wanted a pumpkin funnel cake!